My brain says no but my pants say off.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
