I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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