I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
