capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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