does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
