I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
