Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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