I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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