oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's the barista slut.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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