Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
