I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
