i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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