you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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