I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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