Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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