she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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