the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
