Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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