haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
