I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
