My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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