I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
