I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
