Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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