I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A+ Viking dick
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