doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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