Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
