Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
