I seem to have left my pride at pride
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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