my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
