bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
