I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
