he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
