I wish I could teleport
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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