i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
