I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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