I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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