I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
