I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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