I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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