Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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