I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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