just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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