My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
