Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I puked a lego.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
