The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
