Your face is a jimmy john
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
