Betty ford says i'm here all night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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