remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize