Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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