i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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