I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
