I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
