You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
