This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
