Don't you send me to vm
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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