Got a toothbrush?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
