I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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