Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
