Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
