No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
