it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The ass gains better be worth it
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