Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
