Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
