Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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