i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
