Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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