Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
