she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
