Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Welp...herpes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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