Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
