is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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