I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dear god my vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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